In May of 2023, I received some of the most frightening news a woman can hear,
"You have breast cancer."
From there, my doctor asked me not to interrupt until he finished his spiel (his word, not mine), but it didn't matter. Everything after that sounded like I was underwater. He talked about a bilateral mastectomy, breast implants and how I was the perfect candidate for them and how it was gonna be easy-peasy, 1 2 3.
He was talking very fast, trying to deliver a lot of information in a short appointment slot, and it made me feel rushed and overwhelmed. Questions began stacking up in my head, each new one replacing the last, like some teetering Jenga puzzle. I sat on the exam table, tightly holding my gown closed. I only realized how white my knuckles were after he left. Not a great start to what I'd imagined was going to be a long process.
A second opinion:
My husband and I sat in the second breast surgeons office (after my exam and fully dressed), and Dr. Marlene Mancuso took her time to explain my diagnosis. She drew some simple pictures to help me understand, talked about my options and encouraged our questions. She was open, smiled a lot and made me feel very comfortable. 'The good news is, we caught it early. The breast cancer is very small, a stage 1 tumor', she said.
She contacted plastic surgeon Dr. David Light at NYBRA and we drove right over to meet him. He had a quiet confidence that made me feel at ease. Almost immediately, I knew he was the right person for the job.
I was so glad I went for a second opinion. I wasn't even aware there was a mastectomy option that did not require breast implants. When Dr. Light explained he could use my own belly fat in a procedure called a DIEP Flap, I was shocked to learn such a thing even existed!
He explained the procedure itself, the drawback of a longer recovery time, and the benefits. My reconstructed breasts using my own skin and fat would be soft and natural. Unlike implants, they'd gain and lose weight with me, and I would never have to replace them. For what I was gaining, the longer recovery time sounded like a worthwhile investment to me.
The surgery:
I wasn't sure how to prepare, so I froze some meals, wrote some emails and bought some of the products recommended by NYBRA's Patient Empowerment Program, run by their clinical director, Mollie Sugarman. I was grateful for the education she provided and especially the Sisterhood of Support Zoom meetings. I was so nervous before my surgery and having this group where I could express my feelings made all the difference.
Pockets of Hope was listed in Mollie's information folder. Founder Katelynn Devinney started the non-profit in 2022, after her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time. Her mission is to provide comfort, and remind breast cancer patients that we're never alone. Her organization provides a free, zip-up sweatshirt to any woman undergoing a mastectomy. Mine arrived right before my surgery. It's got two extra pockets, lovingly hand-sewn in to hold the drainage bulbs I'd be sent home with.
On the big day, I was SO scared, I cried all the way into the operating room. It was a big, fearful, snot-bubble cry that I just couldn't contain. Everyone in the operating room was so kind, holding my hand and reassuring me I'd be alright, and then I went to sleep.
It's bizarre when people say, 'you're so brave!' because I didn't feel brave at all. In fact, I felt the exact opposite.
After a ten hour surgery and two days in the ICU, I got great news. They believed all the cancer had been removed, my lymph nodes were clean and even my BRCA gene testing came back normal! Feeling lucky, I was very motivated to get moving and head home.
On discharge day, I had six drainage bulbs tagging along, not two. Half a dozen 'eggs' to keep me company for the next few weeks. I carried them around, carefully measuring and recording their contents twice a day. The day they removed the last two bulbs was nothing short of epic. It felt like a milestone, and I was moving past it. Due to all the abdominal work involved, it took me a good month to be able to stand up straight, and about six weeks to move around somewhat comfortably.
Those memories of pain blur quickly, but I'll never forget the outpouring of love and caring. It was true, I was not alone. My friend, Krissy, was touched by breast cancer, and had undergone the same DIEP procedure just a few years prior. She was so supportive during my recovery, in the way only someone that's walked the same path can be.
During one of our chats, she suggested a collaboration. Being a big fan of her small business, Ettatorials, I was thrilled! It felt right to turn our little project into a fundraiser to benefit Pockets of Hope, and we came up with Heartfelt, A Soap & Candle Gift Set.
Oncology:
I thought the recovery from a bilateral mastectomy would be the hardest part, but a cancer diagnosis is unique to each individual and multi-layered with difficult decisions at every stage.
"The person who takes medicine must recover twice, once from the disease and once from the medicine." ~William Osler, MD
I was new to oncology and hoping for an in-depth discussion with shared decision making. My breast surgeon referred me to an amazing medical oncologist, and I came prepared. I had already entered my information into Predict, an online tool that predicts survivorship depending on your specific disease factors. I also brought along two papers on the subject of estrogen and breast cancer written by oncologist Dr. Avrum Bluming, recently published in The Journal of The Menopause Society and The Cancer Journal.
Dr. Bluming's excellent book, Estrogen Matters, was easy to read, which made it so much easier to speak with my own oncologist. On the day of our consultation, she gladly accepted the papers by Dr. Bluming and promised to read them. Then we talked about the treatments they have to offer. I didn't need radiation or chemotherapy, but she did include the option of taking a hormonal therapy, called an aromatase inhibitor. An AI would be used to block what little was left of my estrogen production.
Together, we weighed the risks and benefits and decided that in my case, the side effects of an aromatase inhibitor would most likely outweigh any small protection it might provide. And then she told me she'd like to see me in six months time.
You know the feeling you get when you've been holding your breath but don't realize it until you let it out? I felt like that, I felt released!
Follow up:
Why me? Why not me?
Breast cancer is the most common cancer in the United States, seemingly, almost an unlucky roll of the dice. Catch it early, and it's also one of the most curable.
I was very lucky and had a great outcome. Even so, at times it's been emotionally overwhelming, and sometimes I wonder if breast cancer survivors don't suffer from a sort of post-traumatic stress syndrome. The cancer needs to go, we all get that, but ah ahem..losing your breasts is a big deal!
Talking and writing helps me process the depths of emotion a breast cancer diagnosis stirs up, and I hope it helps someone else to read this. I've learned so much and gained a greater empathy for others going through it. I'm also keenly aware of, and extremely grateful- for escaping the worst of it.
Thanks to a top-notch medical team, today I'm cancer free. Next week I'll begin a series of follow up surgeries with Dr. Light. These fat transfers are achieved by the liposuction of adipose tissue harvested from one or more areas of the body, and then injected (or transferred) into the breasts to correct any dips or deficits that can occur with healing. Whew! Never imagined ever writing those words, but I'm glad to be here for it!
One day this whole experience will be in my rear view mirror. For today, I'm sending you a loving reminder to make sure to stick around, happy and healthy. Be your own best advocate and go get checked.
Emotional support was key in my own recovery. I'm happy to pay it forward and share my experience with others. If you're going through something similar, feel free to reach out to me if I can help you in any way.
Valerie xo
